But after a rather annoying thanksgiving and some bad news being dropped in my lap, I had officially given up hope on anything productive happening during the three months I was here. Now I took a few steps back to remember why I am so thankful this time of year ( and I probably should think about this more often). I am really thankful for my family. I would have never thought I would be this close to them. They really have lifted my spirits. I am thankful for my fiance who time after time puts up with my moodiness and continues to be there or me as I am for him.
everytime i take a pregnancy test.. negative, nevermind the fact that im two months late. going on three. im irritated this morning.
we bought a bed, and a christmas tree and we put it up together and it was adorable. we also bought the xbox one, which he is way more excited for than i am. waiting to get the next phone call is slowly killing me because it could be today it could be next week it could be next month. but at least i know its going to happen this time around. the stresses ive had the last few months are nearly gone. im really happy today.
OMG THE CLASS WAS SCHEDULED I WILL BE A MARRIED WOMAN BEFORE CHRISTMAS!!!! IM IN TEARS! <3
no literally im crying my eyes out im so excited and jake is just like.. uh ok.
Everything has been so stressful the past three week. Beware this will probably end up being a horrible grammatically incorrect ranting type post thing. I’ve been trying to stay off-line other than to talk to my parents. After hearing Jake might be leaving and that I might have to go home and our wedding might be off, finding out my dad might have an autoimmune disorder, my best friend herring pregnant *will explain my frustration in a moment* and just being jobless and alone here I’ve just been doing a lot of self reflection and trying to stay away from the drama that is the interwebs. We’ve been trying to rush getting married so I can stay and take care of things here while he is gone… it turned into a huge fight one day while we were driving on base and he saw someone from his command walking with his new wife and made the comment “he just met her barely a few months ago and now they are married “which obviously upset me bbecause we’ve been waiting since late may/early June for our paperwork and it should very easier because I’m snow American citizen… a fight sparked and we both said things we both regret saying and the next three days were very awkward. During this tine I found out my beat friend, who has the same medical condition I do is pregnant (yay!I really am excited for her!!I’m just extremely jealous ) the problem with me is she won’t stop complaining about it.. and its annoying when everytime I get on fb its another complaint and its not always about the pregnancy its just in general. Its fine it really is but with everything else going on I just needed space from everything and everyone. About three date ago while driving to base Jake gets a phone call. We pull over he puts it on speaker and I learn that our paperwork, after nearly five months, had been reviewed and processed, we are next in line for the counselling class and that Jake is definitely not going anywhere except back to California with me in December, not for Christmas but definitely new years. Hes getting three weeks of leave and we will be celebrating our marriage and visiting family plus our friends. Also having a small ‘honeymoon ’ of sorts. After that my spirits were definitely up! I got home and went on facebook and my friend was back to normal, chit chat miss you ectect. My dad is on a new medication which is helping his pain. And we put up a Christmas tree and finally bought a bed!!!!! No more sleeping on separate couches. I starter 2013 with getting engaged and it seems I’m ending it with getting married and I couldn’t be happier! Person
2-3 days where we wont have a car.. SUPER. there goes the halloween plans and doing anything together for the next 3 days… between working 12 hours, class for 4 hours and having to alot 1.5 hours for the train/bus ride.. im not going to see you at all. not like i was really seeing you in the first place anyways.. ten minutes before you go to work and maybe twenty minutes when you get home.. remind me why im here again? if the whole point was to see you?
I understand that this wasnt going to be easy, we started off LD and that wasn’t easy, I moved across the country twice for him and that wasn’t easy, ive dealt with underways and ridiculous schedules and those werent easy, i dealt with him leaving and not knowing when i was going to see him again while he moved over seas and that wasnt easy. but none of that was personal and i usually kept myself in a happy place during that time, but this.. this is personal. he LAUGHED when jake brought up us getting married. he laughed when jake said what about my fiance who is here waiting to get married, what will she do. he didnt give a single fuck about this at all. and hes known since before jake got here that he was engaged. he denied him leave for us to get married in august. this is the second time he has made this extremely personal. and icant stop crying. because if its up to this guy… its never going to happen and jake will go on back to back to back to back missions, even thought he is supposed to be medically waved. this guy doesnt care, even though there are plenty of single sailors who volunteered to go. he is sending jake. and i cant right now. I just cant.
I’m sitting alone in my house, 5,500 away from any of my family and jake is working for the next 15+ hours and its one am and im just letting all these emotions get to me. :\ WAHHHHHHHHHHH
I really really dislike the command jake is at, Im not allowed to say what happened but they just stopped us from getting married and now I have to go home. I’m absolutely livid. This is a thousand times more stressful than it should have been. I don’t know how jake is feeling besides upset, he was yelling and screaming and then he just held my hands while apologizing. he kept saying its not my fault… as if he thought i would be mad at him. I’m not. I’m just„ I WAITED FOR FIVE MONTHS, five months waiting on them to sign paperwork so we could get married and now i have to go home, without jake and i wont be able to see him until he is done here. im just so upset.
So I believe I have mentioned this before. Jake is not the most emotional guy. Don’t get me wrong he has his moments and in those moments i literally feel like my heart is going to burst from happiness, but regularly the most i will get is an I love you. which is perfectly fine by me. I just never expected jake to be the type of person who would talk about his feelings towards me to any other person. but the neighbor ( jakes friend who is also in the navy, it helps to stick together in foreign countries lol) was talking to me outside and he looked at me really serious and said ’ I don’t think you can leave again, he wasnt doing well when he first got here and the first time i actually saw him happy was after you got back, when you went home all he could talk about was you and how he missed you’ i asked him is he was serious and he said ‘i have no reason to lie’. i know jake loves me and i know he cares very deeply for me.. but he never really said he missed me. hes just not really like that ever. so this was a huge shock. and i cant stop smiling.